Still Don’t Like Ladders
Still Don’t Like Ladders
I don’t like ladders.
Never have.
It’s definitely because I’m afraid of heights. I like to justify that fear by blaming my own personal height—like, I’m afraid of heights because I have further to fall because I’m already tall. Because I have a high center of gravity. It’s kind of silly logic. It’s more likely that it’s because I tend to hurt myself when I do fall, and it’s easy to imagine falling when I’m up high.
I don’t really like step stools either. Which is even sillier. But I can at least deal with them.
But I will go to great lengths to NOT use a ladder if I can.
A couple weeks ago, I was in our server room with my supervisor, Jim. Our server rack is tall. Taller than me. And the top unit is a bit of a stretch for me—I can reach it, I just can’t see it very well. I was trying to get a better look at our wireless controller, but it was just too high for me. So I was standing on my tippy-toes, craning my neck to look at it. I was getting by just fine. It would have been okay.
Jim and I were both on our phones with different companies. We didn’t say much to each other. But he saw me stretching, so he found a step stool for me. He brought it in and set it down, not saying a word to me about it.
It would have been rude to not use it.
And silly.
I clearly needed it.
So I held onto the post of the rack while I stepped up on it.
He and I have never talked about how much I hate ladders, I don’t think. That I’m afraid of heights. I’ve told some of the guys I work with through our technology partner. If there’s an option, I always opt to let them climb the ladder. And I don’t really like watching them on the ladder either (in my defense, they push the safety envelope sometimes because they have no fear).
But you know what? It was a lot easier to accomplish my task WITH the step stool. And it felt sturdy—way better than standing on the bouncy chair we have in the server room.
This past week I was in the server room after hours swapping out some of the equipment. The equipment I was swapping would require the step stool and a screwdriver (which I forgot to bring, but found one!).
Do you ever have those moments where you’re in the middle of a task and you realize that you would have NEVER guessed you would be doing said task? I would have never predicted that I would be on a step stool pulling equipment out of a server room rack. Never.
In fact, when this particular project first came on the radar a year ago, I remember saying in an email something like, “I’m not comfortable doing this, someone else will have to come out and make the swap.” It had nothing to do with heights or ladders, but with my confidence in my ability to complete the task. I didn’t even know where the equipment lived in the rack when I sent that email.
Since that email we’ve done several server projects and I’ve made other changes to the racks at different locations. Essentially, I got more comfortable and confident in my ability to do my job. I have a better understanding of it and how the pieces work together. Which I think probably happens naturally—but as I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, there were some major changes and growth experiences in the last year. (I even climbed a ladder to look in the ceiling at one point. It wasn’t productive, I didn’t find what I was looking for, and so that was a bummer. But I climbed a ladder higher than 3 rungs!)
So when this project finally came back around, I was asked how we wanted to schedule the work. After a quick synopsis of what needed to be done I was able to say I could handle it without much hesitation.
And so I found myself on a step stool with a screwdriver and an old piece of equipment.
I took a picture of the old setup so I would be sure to get it right with the new device. When I was looking back through the pictures to make sure I got it right, I found this picture of my own hand. I took it on accident, but it made me smile. In an odd way it felt like a kind of self-portrait. You see the chair that I refuse to stand on. You see my watch, which I never go without. But you can also see that I am clearly standing taller than I normally do (chairs aren’t normally that far away) and that I am standing hands-free.
I’m on a step stool and I’m not bracing myself.
I still don’t like ladders.
But I’m starting to take off the training wheels.
