A One Woman Show

This last week has been a long one. Each day I felt like I wasn’t enough. No matter how much “elbow grease” I put in to work. No matter how many items I ticked off my list. It always felt like time was against me and my list grew longer with every hour.

I work in an elementary school library as a Technology and Media Assistant. It’s an ambiguous title that doesn’t do a great job of encompassing everything I do—which is a common theme in the education field. I know teachers feel the same way about their job description. How do you put everything we do into one word?

On any given day I need to be able to troubleshoot what went wrong on at least six different kinds of devices and several different programs. I need to be able to recommend books and find those books on the shelves (which is harder than it should be some days). I need to spend time in the lunchroom as a monitor. I need to make sure the technology carts are charged and powered down at night.

I normally have a partner, and she is awesome. She knows the book side of the Media Center inside out. If a kid tells her they want a book about horses, she knows exactly where the books about horses are. If they want a book in their lexile, she can name a list.

She’s spoiled me.

Because she is so good at that part of our job, I don’t worry about it. You’d think as a want-to-be novelist I would know all of these things, but I’m relatively new to the children’s literature world. (I’m falling in love with the genre, but I’m still new.)

This last week she’s been on vacation. She and her husband are celebrating a big wedding anniversary in Hawaii. And I’ve been a one-woman show.

I’m a person who likes to excel at the things I do. I strive to be the best that I can be on my own. Without asking for help. And when I get into a situation where I don’t feel like I can be my best I get very stressed.

At work right now, the shelves are a mess. I haven’t been able to keep up with shelving books. Our Integration Specialist (another title that doesn’t do justice to the actual job) suggested that she might come in over Thanksgiving break to help with the shelving. I know she said that because she wants to be helpful and knows that I’m overwhelmed. But it made me feel like I needed to work even harder to get the shelving done because I don’t want her to come in and do that when she should be enjoying the break.

Now, it may sound like I’m complaining about work, and maybe I am a little, but what I really want this to be about is how thankful I am that I don’t have to be “enough.”

A couple years ago they hired a second person to work in the Media Center because the district knew it was too much for one person. I’m not supposed to be able to do it all without my fellow librarian. This realization put some things into perspective for me.

I don’t have to be “enough.” I can’t be. There aren’t enough hours in the day, or enough elbow grease in the world for me to be “enough.” There’s a reason we live in families and make friends and work with other people. We can’t do it all on our own all the time. It’s okay to ask for help.

So. This one-woman show is thankful for the extra people who offer to help.

And, friend, I’m glad you’re celebrating in Hawaii with your husband. You are missed. And I can’t wait until you’re home. We’re better as a duet.