Pressing On

This year is not even half over, and I could easily make the argument that this year has been the hardest I’ve worked.

“But, Anna, you had a full-time job and worked on your Masters degree!”

Yes, but I never took work home. I never lost sleep over work. And I had summers off. If I’m being honest, my approach to school was half-hearted because I felt I was smart enough to not have to work as hard as I could. (I’m embarrassed to admit that pride in myself. We could spend a whole post talking about the psychology behind this attitude.)

“But, Anna, you had a full-time job while you diligently posted on your blog four times a week!”

Yes. But my job wasn’t challenging and I liked creating and posting. It didn’t feel like work (most days).

When my blogging schedule fell apart (about a year ago), that is really when I feel like work started challenging me.

I had forgotten that I enjoy a challenge.

Two big things happened in my life when my blog started to fall apart.

1.     I started my job as I.T. Coordinator.

2.     I started my own business as a Mary Kay consultant.

Let’s talk about the latter first.

I’ve had a bent towards self-employment for a long time—I sell blankets and cupcakes and purses and you get the picture. My parents were self-employed artists when I was a little girl, and I think (I know) that left a lasting impression on me. They worked hard at their business—and I am determined to do the same.

January this year, I saw 30 faces. It was a big deal. I had never done that. And what’s more? I saw at least 20 of those in the last 15 days of the month—and nine of those on the last day. Seriously. Crazy, right?

I’ve done well, and worked hard. But I know there is room for growth. I have big goals in my business and you better believe I’m going to hit those goals. (I’m declaring it publicly so I can’t back down, see?)

Last weekend, I went to a rally—and I left with a renewed sense of purpose. By the end of 2017 I am moving out of my parent’s house. I will be on my way to fulfilling my calling to be a foster parent.

Mom and I stopped at Barnes & Noble on our way home. And I went right to the Christian book section. I picked up five books. Five books that stood out to me, and instead of questioning the need, I picked them up knowing that there are lessons yet for me to learn.

My word for this year is stewardship—and I have not been the best steward of my heart or my spiritual walk. That’s probably one area of my life that I (wrongly) take for granted. But it’s an area of my life that definitely needs growth like everything else. (The point I’m making is that my Mary Kay career has prompted me to examine this area of my life.)

So not only have I dived into my own business, but I’m also working my day job a lot harder than I thought I would.

I’ve put in weird after-hours time and I’ve worked on massive projects. Like, opened four new clinics, massive. And this project has dramatically changed the way I operate on the day-to-day. This project has stretched me way beyond my comfort zone. Which I love. And now it means that at least once a week I’m out of town. (Which I mostly enjoy.) I’ve put in 60 hour weeks and worked 7am-6pm days. I’ve done this all while keeping my composure (for the most part—but nobody saw me crying in my office or tearing up in the network closet, so they don’t count). My desk is a mess most of the time--stacked with papers, cables, manuals, computer pieces, and who knows what else.

And I’ve gotten to know some of my coworkers 100% better. I work with some cool people. Some very funny people. People that have picked up on my pen-clicking habits and people that have now seen my nerdier side.

I’ve pretty much thrown myself into my day job and had a realization that I am becoming a workaholic. I’ve lost sleep over parts of this project. And I obsessively compulsively check my email all night and all weekend (don’t tell my HR lady). 

I’ve also become protective of my friends that will work until the wee hours of the morning, because they have families that miss them. I don’t have kiddos waiting for me at home, so when I have to work weird hours on the servers, it doesn’t bother me. I’d rather put in weird times then the guys with kids and wives. This season of my life is meant to pick up the slack of others. I pray that one day someone will do the same for me.

I’ve also encountered the most blatant sexism of my life. And I never thought I would encounter such an attack—call me young and foolish. You hear stories about sexism in the workplace, but I also imagined it to be hidden in paychecks and small snubs here and there. I never thought I would see it. And I never thought it would look me square in the eyes. Several times.

“Sometimes it takes a man to fix something.” Eye contact over a computer that a man broke.

“I feel better with a man looking at it.” Never mind that the man confirmed what I already said.

“Can he look at this? I’d like to get his eyes on this.” Yes. I know.

What’s more? I never thought it would bother me like it does. I never thought comments that insinuated that what is in my pants makes what is in my skull less valuable would cling to my lungs and heart. Weeks later, and I can still see that smug expression and feel the tightness in my lips and the twitch in my hand.

The funny thing? I trust the guys we partner with, too. But it’s not because they’re guys—it’s because they have degrees and certifications in I.T. fields. And I literally fell into it. Working in I.T. was never part of my plan.

As annoyed as I am by these comments, they may be just what I needed.

I started looking into certifications so I can be competitive and more knowledgeable. As the company I work for continues to grow, I imagine I will not be the only I.T. person. So in the future, if I face such blatant sexism I can call it out with confidence that there is nothing separating my expertise from the guys.

So. In addition to working two jobs, side projects, being involved in women’s leadership in my church, I am also going to be taking classes.

And the blog is coming back. I feel better when I’m writing—and I need to be a steward of this gift. No more excuses. The blog is happening—but at a pace of one post a week. And I’m working on getting a book ready for submission. My brother wants me to read the Silmarillion so that will be coming down the road…perhaps a long ways down the road!

I am stepping up and stepping out boldly. I am pressing on.

(PS. My desk doesn't look nearly as pristine as the cover photo anymore.)