Joy
Joy
My word for 2019 is: JOY.
I’ve known that this was going to be my new word since July probably. I felt so overwhelmed that it needed to be my word that I almost switched midyear.
My word for 2018 was: STEADFAST.
Now, in July when I thought about changing my word, I didn’t know what the second half of 2018 would hold. Let’s just say, I’ve never been so glad for a New Year when I could kiss 2018 goodbye.
Turns out steadfast was still important for 2018.
My sister-in-law’s brother passed away the end of the September. I have really struggled with how to talk about Phil’s passing because I would not know him if it weren’t for Hope. But I also really enjoyed the conversations we had and considered him a friend. The way he handled his illness and fight with cancer was an inspiration. His faith was steadfast. He was a guest on a podcast at the beginning of 2018 and he said that his prayer was always, “God, let them see You in me.” (Or something like that…I can’t go back and listen it again without getting upset.)
I was sure that he would be able to fight long enough for a medical breakthrough. I had prayed for that. But I think I was just in denial because surely God wouldn’t call home such a light in this world.
But when we were in Texas in early October for Phil’s memorial, it was so obvious that God was at work in his life—and shown bright through him. The number of people that came to his memorial and the way they talked about him and his spirit was so…beautiful. Not only was his faith steadfast, he found joy in Christ’s steadfast love.
Before I even had time to really process what had happened with Phil, my grandpa started his own battle with cancer—and it too would take his life before the end of this year. And it would take his eldest sister’s husband, and his other sister.
My mom’s family is a bit complicated. My grandpa has two older sisters, and they are both married to two of my grandma’s brothers. Glen and Bev were the oldest of both families, then there’s Ralph and Shirley, and finally my grandma and grandpa.
Phil went home to Jesus end of September.
Uncle Glen joined him on November 16.
Grandpa Cliff joined them both on December 16.
Aunt Shirley joined them all on December 18.
All fought battles with cancer. None of them ever wavered from Christ’s steadfast love.
Had I changed my word in July from steadfast to joy…two things would have happened.
I would have missed why God put steadfast on my heart to begin with.
I would have felt betrayed by joy.
I think in July, God was already beginning to prepare my heart for the pain 2018 would bring. It was as if He was saying, “This year is going to be hard, and next year you will have to be intentional about seeking joy in me…but this year, in 2018, you will need to keep reminding yourself that in the midst of the pain, my love for you is steadfast. I am with you and with your loved ones, in all of this.”
The pain I feel now is selfish—it’s loss and sadness and missing people who are with Jesus now. They know the face of their Savior—isn’t that just beautiful? It’s pure joy for them. Pure joy.
I always think these words I pick are about me. You would think I would learn by now…they’re always about Him and His plan. My sin nature likes to yank the focus to me and my selfish heart, but my prayer for this year is simple: That I would use the gifts He has given me and that I would see the joy in all of it.
Almost two years ago I started wearing a wristband for Phil that his aunt sent me. It’s blue and along with his name it says: “Consider it pure joy…James 1:2-3” If he could find the joy of Christ in the midst of his cancer, I can find joy in my circumstances.
At my grandpa’s funeral I learned that his favorite book of the Bible was James…and the pastor read James 1:2-4.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
In my reflections, I read a little further in the chapter and found verse 12: “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he had stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”
I am as confident as I can be on this side of heaven that they are all wearing the crowns of life—Phil, Uncle Glen, Grandpa, and Aunt Shirley.
Even in this first week of the New Year, as I have begun new devotionals, I am encountering and learning about joy. It’s funny how after I pick a word for the year I encounter the word all over the place.
This year I’m very much looking forward to leaning into Jesus’ love and finding joy in Him. There will be healing in this, in Him.
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart because joy to the world, the Savior reigns, and joyful, joyful we adore Thee.
